before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This toilet bowl is my home.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize