Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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