I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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