Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
