Sry I called you an 8
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
