as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What a dumb baby whore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
