shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
