it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
