Where are you?
In a non slutty way
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
