i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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