There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
