God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
