She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
NoShamevember. You game?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
