Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
