blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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