That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's not cheating when I paid for it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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