Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
