I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
