remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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