Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
