Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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