I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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