some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
