So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
