i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
