he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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