You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
