I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
