well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
