i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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