Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize