I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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