God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
