i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
