that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
sarcasm needs its own font
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
