I have demons in me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
