I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
