just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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