So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
