Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
