somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
