I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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