Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
