When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wear drunk well.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
