I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
