I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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