sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
