How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
