Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
