Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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