i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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