i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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