yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize