he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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