i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
honey bunches of taint.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
