im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
