i used baking grease as lip gloss
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I intend to get homeless drunk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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