I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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