Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
