You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
A+ Viking dick
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
