On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
