You can't motorboat a personality
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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