Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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