i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize