Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
