I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
