holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
