I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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