So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
