I seem to have left my pride at pride
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
birth control should be required to get into college
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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