Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
