Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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