Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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